A DIC-less SI
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Summary? We don't need no stinking summaries! Not your typical SI, as actually inserting myself would be dull as he would sit at home and read fanfics rather than actually do anything, so enjoy your generic fanfic-author insert!
1. Chapter 1

**DIC-less SI**

**Day 1**

John bowed to the class and took his seat, noting it was little cramped, when he felt the eyes of several people on him, Ami Mizuno and Usagi Tsukino among them. It took a moment for the reality of the situation to sink in.

'I'm in Sailor Moon?' John thought to himself in shock as he tried to look like nothing was wrong. Fortunately teenage boys were usually a bit twitchy so the rapid play of emotions on his face wasn't commented on.

John paid careful attention to everything as he tried to get his bearings. 'Ok, I'm in Sailor Moon… I got nothing. I've only watched a few shows and I'm a lot more familiar with the fanon than the canon! Well at least I'm not in the Dic version as they've all got Japanese names even if we are speaking English, or do I just think we are?' He didn't bother to take notes as the classwork was easy enough to do for someone who'd graduated from high school. History was going to be a problem though.

"Puberty was enough of a pain the first time around and now I gotta do an encore?" John grumbled to himself. He recalled getting into far too many sticky situations listening to his hormones from about ten to…well he'd been hopeful they'd stop one day.

Lunch rolled around and he heaved a sigh of relief as he stood up and stretched before grabbing his things and going outside to eat and look through his stuff hoping they'd spark a memory or three. Going through his backpack and wallet he discovered where he lived and a helpful map with all the local points of interest for him marked down. He was pretty sure the map was copied from a Minako dating sim he'd played and really hoped that wasn't an omen for the future. Not that there was really anything wrong with Minako, but she was so perky and energetic that he'd die of exhaustion just trying to keep up with her, not to mention he planned on avoiding the scouts together if he could manage it.

"Hey!" a bright and cheerful voice burst in on his musings.

"Wah!" he yelped, jumping about half a foot.

"Sorry," Minako apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you; I just wanted to ask you to come eat with me and my friends."

John looked over at where Minako was pointing and sure enough there was Ami, Usagi, and Makoto waving at him.

"Sure," John said readily, not wanting to get on the bad side of a group with enough magical firepower to level city blocks on a whim.

Introductions were quick since they all knew who he was from class and the inners were missing Rei, who attended a Catholic school for some odd reason. Ami was a bit shy, not all that comfortable meeting new people, but making an effort to be friendly. Usagi was as open and friendly as a puppy. John got the impression that not being her friend would take a lot of effort and she'd probably wear you down in the end anyway. Was pathologically friendly an actual medical diagnosis? Minako was as perky as it was possible to be, barring those who have chemical help involving a razor blade and a small mirror. John was sure the brief image he got of himself as a little white rabbit while she was a golden furred wolf was just his imagination…really. Makoto was less intense than Minako and almost as friendly as Usagi. It was a welcome contrast to the two, plus, she had cookies.

Small talk lasted exactly five minutes, long enough to be polite, but timed to the second, he was willing, to bet by the curious girls.

"So tell us about yourself," Makoto ordered, thankful she'd finally found a guy taller than herself, even if he wasn't Japanese and wore glasses.

"Not much to tell really," John said with a shrug, since he didn't really know what his backstory was at this point.

"Oh come on," Usagi encouraged him. "I'm sure you have tons of interesting stories to tell."

"Probably," John said agreeably. 'But I seem to be missing large chunks of my memory, so I have no idea what they are."

"What?!" the girls chorused in shock.

"I remember today's events and my school work just fine, but except for some odds and ends my past is a blank," he offered having decided memory loss was safer to claim than being a dimensional traveler.

"At least you remember everything you learned in class," Ami said consolingly.

"I can't believe you have Magnesia," Minako groaned.

"Amnesia," Ami and John chorused.

"Can you remember your family at all?" Usagi asked tearfully.

"No parents and siblings didn't much care, so they just wandered off. Not sure about grandparents, but the last memory I have of them is of them being very, very old. "

"So who do you live with?" Makoto asked.

"No idea. I remember today and some of the distant past, but that's all," John admitted.

"How are you going to find your way home?!" Usagi demanded worriedly.

"I have my home address in my wallet and a map with places of importance to me marked on it," John said, telling them his address when they looked doubtful.

"That's right next to me," Makoto said with a smile.

"So I can follow you home," John said cheerfully, not noticing the far off look in her eyes as she smiled and nodded.

"I think I recall a medical study about someone who lost their memory every time they went to sleep after receiving a heavy blow to the head," Ami offered.

"I saw a movie called Blank Slate based on something like that," John said, accepting another cookie from Makoto. "It was a funny movie. Doubt it applies to me though, cause I have no current head injuries," John broke off what he was saying to scoop up a black cat that was sniffing him under the table.

The girls' eyes widened as John picked up Luna.

"That's my cat, Luna," Usagi quickly said. "She must have followed me to school."

"I think she's a Mau," John said, freezing everyone including Luna in place.

"Mau?" Ami asked trying to act calm while everyone's hands were instinctively sliding towards their henshin rods.

"She looks a lot like an Egyptian Mau," John explained. "They're generally show cats, bred for beauty."

Everyone relaxed, including Luna who was getting her chin scratched.

"Really?" Usagi asked.

"Well Luna is obviously a superior breed," John said. "The legends say Egyptian Mau were originally advisers to the court of the pharaohs. They wore the mark of Bast's favor upon their brows and could talk among other things, but they offended Bastet and were reduced to nothing more than common animals."

"What did they do?" Usagi asked wide eyed.

"No idea," John said simply. "The legends don't say. My guess is that the age of magic had passed and Bast simply gathered all the Royal Mau to herself leaving the common Mau, who were just cats. Not wanting to admit to admit to their enemies that they lost one of their greatest resources the Pharaohs simply used common Mau and claimed they'd offended Bast when their ruse was discovered."

"So you believe in magic?" Ami asked.

John nodded. "The world runs in cycles and since the sailor senshi are fighting youma I'm guessing they are the heralds of the new age of magic."

"What exactly does that mean?" Usagi asked confused.

"It means magic is beginning to make its return."

"And science is just going to stop working?" Ami asked doubtfully.

John laughed. "Science will work as it always has, but when it comes right down to it people use whatever tool is easiest and since magic works as much by intent as the parameters of the spell, magic eventually pushes science aside and only the people at the highest levels of both, where science and magic meet, use it."

"How do you know all this?" Ami asked intently.

John scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. "I don't remember."

Ami groaned as the bell rang marking the end of lunch.

"See you after school, Makoto," John said putting his backpack on and picking up Luna without thinking about it, his mind stuck on wondering why he was babbling. Taking his seat in class John realized he was still holding Luna and hoped the teacher wouldn't mind, however she'd been called away and the principle was covering for her.

"Mr. Flint," the principle announced with a smirk that boded ill for John's hope, as he recognized the cat and loved to both pun and embarrass the students. "Unless you have a valid medical reason I'm going to have to ask you to stop stroking Miss Tsukino's pussy while in class."

Usagi turned bright red and sank down in her seat.

Thinking quickly John replied, "I have high blood pressure." Everyone knew petting cats reduced your blood pressure.

"High enough to require you to require to stroke another student's pussy in class?"

Recalling some of the stranger rules of anime, John pulled out a small sewing kit from his backpack and pricked his thumb with a needle, spouting a stream of blood like a garden sprinkler getting an impressive three foot distance.

Wide eyed the principle nodded dumbly. "With blood pressure that high, feel free to stroke Tsukino's pussy whenever you feel like it."

Usagi discovered new shades of red.

"Can I get that in writing?" John asked while bandaging his thumb.

The off duty senshi stared at John in disbelief.

"Sure," the principle nodded dumbly, mechanically writing out a permanent pass.

"Put 'any students'," John suggested. "I don't want to have to rely on bugging Usagi all the time."

John cleaned up the blood and collected his note before returning to his seat and petting Luna, who he could tell was struggling not to laugh. The principle recovered himself as class began and except for the occasional pun proved to be an excellent teacher. As school ended John found himself surrounded by the inners, who fired rapid fire questions at him.

"Hold up!" he ordered. "It's a genetic condition. My blood is always under pressure and I produce a lot of it, so unless I'm left to bleed for a while I'm fine." Anime characters had twenty some-odd gallons of blood under high pressure in a lot of anime, so he'd gambled on the fact that he would too. Saying their goodbyes, Makoto walked John home as she really did live in the apartment next to him.

John entered his apartment calling out, "Hey Lucy, I'm home!"

There was no answer and a quick glance around the place told him he lived alone. It also told him that his movie and book collections had come with him, along with nearly every toy he'd ever owned for some reason, including ones that had been destroyed and an ungodly amount of lego blocks.

Of course what really caught his attention was the fact that his computer with the lighted keyboard and dual twenty two inch flat screen monitors was there. His computer with countless reams of fanfiction and downloaded files of all types on it. His MP3 collection, his collection of funny pictures, and his own fanfiction, most of which was unfinished as he found starting a story easy, but ending it nearly impossible.

Settling in front of his computer, he bumped the mouse and was rewarded with the computer coming to life. Rubbing his hands together and giggling evilly he typed in his password, LoveDeathSexGod.

He was up quite late.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**

**AN: SI fics are a guilty pleasure, but as everyone knows an actual SI with me would be boring, so really he's more of an OC with some common traits of mine.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 2**

"Would you like some toast?" a bright and cheerful voice called out.

John stopped in mid yawn and looked around his tiny kitchen, but found no one. Shrugging it off as a hallucination, brought on by the Japanese school system's unholy requirement that he rise and go to school a full six hours before noon, he finished his yawn and started rummaging around for breakfast.

"I asked if you'd like some hot buttered breakfast treats of a grain type nature, cooked until they were golden brown, by me," the voice announced.

The voice had rambled on long enough that John was able to track it to the bright red toaster. "Are you asking if I want toast?"

"Yes, that is exactly the point I am trying to convey," the toaster replied.

"Of course I want toast, its breakfast. Toast is always served with breakfast and or brunch."

"Really?" the toaster asked hopefully. "You're not just teasing me?"

"No teasing at all," John promised. "I like a couple of pieces of toast at about a seven on a browning scale from one to ten, with butter and jam, preferably grape. Of course that's just if I'm having a bowl of cereal. If it's eggs and sausage kind breakfast I need another couple of pieces buttered and cut diagonally to mop the plate with."

The bright red toaster was overjoyed as John popped in a couple of slices of bread before making himself a bowl of cereal. When the toast popped up he found it was already buttered and jammed just the way he liked it. While eating the toast, which turned out perfect, he saw that not only was the toaster not plugged in, it in fact had no cord at all.

He'd have engaged in a small panic attack, like the kind you get turning a corner in a strange city only to find you were face to face with a mime and no one else was around, and you forgot to carry a weapon, but it was much too early for him to be fully awake yet and the side of the toaster had the symbol for Uranus on it. How he'd ended up with a self-aware kitchen appliance from the Silver Millennium he wasn't sure, but it made damn good toast, so he was happy.

"How do you feel about waffles?" John asked, as he cleaned up from breakfast and got his school supplies together.

"If it can be toasted, I'll toast it!" the toaster exclaimed.

"Excellent! I use them in place of bread sometimes, because waffles are less likely to tear and take longer to go bad. I know lightly toasting the bread before making a peanut butter sandwich usually takes care of the tearing problem and makes it taste better besides, but buttermilk waffles are just superior to bread when it comes to making a sandwich."

"Really?" the toaster asked, sounding fascinated.

John finished getting his school supplies together. "Ham and cheese grilled between a pair of buttermilk waffles with mustard and miracle whip is not to be missed."

"Give the waffles," the toaster cried excitedly. "I'll make some right now!"

"I don't have any ham."

"All I need is the waffles," the toaster promised.

John popped in four waffles. "Toast away."

"There was a knock at the door and John answered it. "Makoto?"

"I'm here to walk you to school, if you don't mind," she said trying not to blush.

"I should be read… How much longer?" John called out.

"Thirty seven seconds!" came the answering call from the kitchen.

"Is that your uncle?" Makoto guessed, figuring it was the most likely relative from yesterday's questioning about his family life.

John waved her in. "No, it's the toaster. We'll be good to go in less than a minute," he said, grabbing his backpack.

"Ready!" the voice in the kitchen called out and Makoto could see the room was empty.

"Cool," John said grabbing the two waffle sandwiches and biting into one. "This is better than the one I make!"

"I am a professional," the toaster replied with pride.

"That you are," John said handing one to Makoto and shoving her out the door. "See you when I get home."

"Is your toaster possessed?" Makoto asked nervously as they walked.

"Voice activated with countless preprogrammed responses," John fudged a bit, thinking it was technically true.

Makoto took a bite of her grilled ham and cheese waffle sandwich and groaned in pleasure quickly devouring it. "Damn that was good. I need a cigarette."

"I know what you mean," John agreed. "Do we have enough time for one before class?"

"Yeah, but I've been trying to quit," she admitted.

"Does that mean you don't have any on you?"

Makoto produced a half empty pack of cigarettes from the bottom of her book bag and they both lit up with a satisfied noise.

"Smoking is really bad for you," Makoto said guiltily

"Unless you have a magical healing factor, yeah" he agreed.

"You have a magical healing factor?"

"Not that I know of, but if it'll get people off my back for smoking I'll claim I do."

Makoto laughed.

They both split off when they reached the school, Makoto to meet up with her friends and John to enter the classroom. He had the strangest idea with a crossover and wanted to get it down before he forgot it.

John froze in the doorway as he heard a high pitched wail approaching like someone had fired a mortar at him.

"I'm late!" Usagi yelled moving at speeds that really shouldn't be available to anything on two legs.

John didn't even have time to wince before Usagi crashed into him sending them both to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Hitting the ground hard with the back of his head sounded like someone had dropped a coconut on cement. His mind made random connections from Alice in Wonderland but he couldn't decide if Usagi was the Queen of Hearts, Alice, or the White Rabbit.

He flailed aimlessly in a panic as Wonderland tried to swallow him, but all it managed to do was blind him and squeeze his head so tightly he couldn't breathe. An indeterminate number of seconds later and he had light and air again as Makoto and Minako pulled Usagi off him.

Ami checked on John who just blinked blearily and replied, "I've seen a cat without a grin before, but never a grin without a cat."

Ami caught the reference and helped him to his feet, trying not to giggle. John half fell into his seat still trying to pull himself back together while Usagi babbled apologies at him and commented on the size of his nose.

"Ohh, cake!" he muttered while reaching up and making sure his nose wasn't broken. It wasn't that long a nose but did give him a bit of a hawk like appearance, or at least he liked to pretend it did.

Everyone trickled in to wait for class to begin ignoring the familiar sight of Usagi apologizing for bowling someone over.

"I'm ok," John said, interrupting Usagi. "No injuries except a bump on the back of my head and a sore nose, both of which will be gone before lunch."

"Ok, if you're sure," Usagi said.

"Yes I am, now off you with you," he shooed her off.

As Usagi retook her seat he pulled out his notebook and began writing the crossover idea he had, unfortunately what he'd been thinking about writing had gotten completely scrambled.

"I'm going to find out who Sailor Moon is!" Umio swore aloud.

"Do you know what happens to anyone who finds out a hero's secret identity?" John asked, not looking up from the Care Bear/Chtullu crossover he was writing.

"No, what?" Umio replied.

"Something bad happens to them, usually fatal."

"What?"

"I'm not suggesting that Sailor Moon tells Sailor Pluto: the Guardian of Time to whack them, but if I was the Guardian of Time and I had to choose between saving mankind or offing one evil person, I know which one I'd chose," John said as he plotted out a battle scene between Sir Cares-a-lot and The Lurker in the Outer Darkness, not sure which he wanted to win, eldritch and 80's abominations being equal in his opinion.

The class descended into chaos until Mr. Fletcher arrived to call them to order and take roll. "Ok, now what was that about?"

John quickly spoke up, "Umio was just explaining how he was going to help the youma kill Sailor Moon so they could destroy humanity unopposed."

"I was not!" Umio protested wide eyed. "I was just saying I was going to find out Sailor Moon's identity and then you called me evil."

"Mr. Flint?" the teacher said, inviting him to explain.

"You are talking about doing the equivalent of putting a gun to her head while she's sleeping and pulling the trigger, how's that not evil?"

"I think he needs to know the reasoning behind what you're saying," she suggested as Umio looked confused.

"Ok. Imagine I'm an evil leader of an army of demons, who keeps getting his butt kicked by Sailor Moon," John said standing up and walking to the front of the room.

"Usagi, Ami," John called out. "I need you to play youma."

Usagi and Ami nervously came up front.

"Now I think we can use Naru as Sailor Moon," John waved at Naru, who was happy to be included and bounced to the front of the class.

"Minako and Itachi can play Sailor Moon's parents with…Hina as her younger sister. Makoto, I'll need your help."

Makoto came up front. "What do you need me to do?"

"Dark queen Makoto use Ami the youma to capture Sailor Moon's family. Youma Usagi, you're with me."

Makoto and Ami quickly corralled the 'Moon' Family.

"As Sailor Moon wouldn't I stop the youma from attacking my family?" Naru asked.

John nodded. "Of course and that's why I have arranged for Youma Usagi to attack the maternity ward. Sailor Moon has no idea her family is in danger so she rushes off to protect the newborn. Of course I expect her to defeat Youma Usagi and drive Dark King John off, but I was just fighting to delay things to my Queen Makoto could whisk her family away to the Dark Kingdom."

"So I know my identity is known?" Naru asked.

"Sure, Umio shouted it from the rooftops," John agreed.

"Then I stay home and protect my family," Naru said.

"Are you sure?" John asked.

"Yes," Naru said firmly.

"Ok, in that case you defeat Youma Ami and drive off Dark Queen Makoto, saving your family."

Naru smiled as Ami retook her seat and Makoto shook her fist mock angrily.

"Usagi youma However had killed the entire maternity ward, completely draining their life energy and using it to open a portal to my Dark Kingdom letting me bring in another four youma." Usagi picked four people from the first row and had them join her.

Naru paled.

"Next night my queen and a youma lie in wait again, but only attack if Sailor Moon leaves, so what do you do?"

"If I leave my family gets killed, but if I stay here more innocents die and more youma come through, what can I do?!" Naru worried.

John shrugged. "I don't want to go into too much detail, so let's just say you're screwed and so is humanity, all thanks to Umio's actions."

"Ok, that pretty much sucked dried toast," Minako said shaking her head. Ami didn't even try to figure out what phrase she was mangling.

John sat back down. "Sailor moon and the other scouts have good reason to hide their identity. Anyone who tries to expose them is siding with the demons. Hell, just claiming someone is Sailor Moon puts them and their family in danger. Demons don't care if they kill a thousand fake Moons before getting the real one so even rumors can be deadly." He decided to have the Lurker win; he preferred happy endings in his fanfics.

***Lunch***

"That was a freaky little play," Minako said.

"And how do you know what the youma would do?" Usagi asked.

"Common sense," John replied as she scratched Luna under the chin. "Just think of the thing you'd least want to happen and figure the demons are planning on doing it."

"Plan for the worst?" Ami asked.

"Exactly," John confirmed. "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst and you can handle almost anything life throws at you with a smile."

"That's good advice," Ami agreed.

"SO what would you have done if you were Sailor Moon?" Usagi asked curiously.

"If I didn't have enough advanced warning to hide or buff up my family enough to take down youma on their own I'd have to let them die," John said.

"That's horrible," Usagi sniffed.

"That's cold," Ami said shaking her head.

"Put yourselves in your family's position, if the only way to save you requires killing or rather letting a large number of people die, what would you chose? I'd rather die than live with the knowledge that so many people died, just so I could live."

"I hadn't thought of it that way," Ami said.

"Most people don't, but it's really selfish to make them live, knowing how much it cost, just so you can feel better for having saved them."

"So what are your plans for the break?" Minako asked, changing the subject.

"I didn't know there was one coming up," John replied. "I guess I'll continue trying to find out what happened to my memory. It's probably something boring, like I was given the wrong medication at the hospital for the flu or something."

"You seem pretty comfortable with the idea of magic and hidden histories," Makoto pointed out.

"There could be a magical cause," John admitted, seeing what she was getting at. "But I think I'll look for mundane causes first."

"Magic may not have caused it, but it might cure it," Ami suggested. "Sailor Moon patrols the city at night and I'm sure if you asked one of the scouts they'd help."

"It may come to that, but I'll see what options I have before asking someone to hit me with the amount of magic Sailor Moon throws around."

"Why?" Usagi asked.

"Because magic is about intent. If she hit me with a healing spell of that magnitude it could cause all sorts of changes that I don't think I'd like."

"Like what?" Usagi asked.

"For instance, as a teenage boy my sex drive is completely different than a teenage girl's. Her healing me could change things she'd consider wrong that are part of my nature. I am the culmination of my bad habits just as much as my good ones, so by healing me 'I' may vanish leaving someone else to take my place."

"Pot people," Minako said nodding in understanding.

"Pod people," Ami and John corrected.

"Yeah, the struggle between good and evil makes us grow, and I'm a long way from finished growing." The bell range signaling an end to lunch and as they went inside John couldn't help but think he'd read far too many Sailor Moon fics without seeing the anime or reading the manga.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Battered and Fried**

"I really should have thought this through," John muttered, shaking off the dizziness from hitting the ground as the youma had batted him aside like he was nothing.

Ok, so maybe attacking a youma with a baseball bat hadn't been his brightest idea, but really John hadn't had a whole lot of options at the time. He'd been shopping when screams had broken out all around him and the youma had been about to spray something on a young girl so his cursed, chivalric reflex had kicked in and next thing he knew he was attacking the walking makeup counter with a bat.

"Attacking a lady?" the creature growled out. "That's not very nice. How about I give you a pair of black eyes?"

John had barely gotten to his feet when she put out a hand and called out, "Mascara Massacre!"

***SPLUT***

A thick black ooze covered John like a blanket and he fell into the darkness like it was a bottomless pit.

***WHAM***

John slammed into a seat and found himself in a well-lit subway train.

"…and so no one can really know anyone else," a little boy said to an older version of himself, who was looking more than a little depressed.

"You're just a little bundle of joy, aren't you?" John asked sarcastically, as he finally realized where he was. "Of course you can know someone else, what he's talking about is more along the lines of being someone else, which really shouldn't come as a surprise since he's an Angel pretending to be another version of you."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Malls are for taking my boyfriend and making him carry the bags while I shop…erm I mean Malls are…better than Walmart?" Moon ventured receiving thunderous applause from the population.

"That works, now let's kick ass!" Minako cheered, looking forward to relieving some tension through a good youma beating session.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Wow, and here I always suspected he was Satan," Shinji said, "but I never imagined he was going to cast me in the role of the antichrist." John's explanation about what was really going on had explained so much to the boy.

The Angel looked almost as shocked, apparently it hadn't been given more than the cliff notes version itself.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Mercury, lay down some concealing fog!" Moon ordered, startling the Senshi as her princess persona usually only came out in times of great need, not for simple youma.

"Mercury bubble blast!" Mercury called out, sending a wave of fog throughout the area.

"Where'd everybody go?!" the youma cried out, blinded by the fog.

"Venus chain it down," Moon ordered sounding like a veteran drill sergeant. "Jupiter, use Venus' chain to channel a blast of lightning. That should keep it in place so I can nail it. I don't want any collateral damage this time!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"How did you get in here and how do you know so much?" the angel demanded. "I mean this is a closed off dimension formed of my body!"

"Blasted by a youma," John said. "And really this is more a shared dream by those of us in your folded space than a physical dimension. I'm guessing I got hit with just the right frequency of energy to be sent here."

"Oh," the angel replied calming down as it considered that.

"So how do you know so much about what's going on?" Shinji asked.

"I'm from a different universe where all this was made into a depressing anime."

"I can feel your entry point. I didn't even know that direction existed," the angel said thoughtfully.

"I'll be rescued by a group of magical girls in a couple of minutes," John said. "Not that it really matters to you two, since Unit 01 is going to go berserk and rip its way out like a chest burster."

Images of 01 ripping its way out and chest busters from the movie alien flickered in the window behind John's head, causing Shinji and the Angel to pale.

"Shinji it's been nice meeting you, but I think I'm going to have to kick you out now, as I don't feel like being ripped apart from the inside," the Angel said quickly.

"I don't blame you," Shinji said, still looking a bit green from the images observed from inside John's head.

Shinji vanished, leaving John and the Angel sitting there alone.

"Can you take some other form?" John asked. "I find young Shinji more than a little creepy looking."

The Angel's form morphed into a mature Rei Ayanami, sporting a set of black wings but she carried more than a slight resemblance to Sailor Pluto.

"I took the images from your subconscious," the Angel explained.

"I can't recall which Angel you are. What should I call you?" John asked.

"Susan Ayanami," she replied. "I've decided to distance myself from anything that ends up with me being reduced to a large pile of meat and bone."

"That's probably a good idea," John agreed, examining her new form closely. "I can see little points of light in your wings."

"Those are stars. It fits with the space theme."

"Good call, and I like the Brazilian, but I think you might want to consider wearing some clothes."

Susan watched the scenes inspired by her appearance appearing in the windows of the train behind John curiously. "Really? I was just about to suggest you take yours off."

Since she was no longer bound to a doomed role as 'victim of Shinji's repressed anger' she was curious about the possibilities her current form allowed.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Shinji took another step forward, ignoring his low energy warning light as he stumbled towards the backup power station. John had told him a lot of things that were hard to believe, but if true… he had some tough decisions to make.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"He's escaped," Rei breathed in wonder, a hint of moisture at the corner of her eyes while Asuka and Misato jumped up and down cheering.

"Drop the bombs and blow the Angel!" Misato ordered into the radio.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

John noticed a sudden draft as his clothes vanished.

"I've always been curious…" Susan's voice trailed off and John joined her in looking out the 'windows' where tiny points of light began to blossom in the darkness.

"This can't be good," John muttered just before the light washed over the train…

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Fire Soul!" Mars called out, instinctively targeting the black coated figure.

"Arrgh!" John screamed, as Mars' fire burned off goop coating him…and his hair, shirt, a layer of skin…

"There's a human in there!" Mercury called out in panic, as Moon's attack vaped the youma but didn't affect the burning screaming figure.

"Shit!" Mars shrieked.

"Mercury bubble blast!" Mercury called out, concentrating her power on the figure so the fire was quickly extinguished and he collapsed to the floor.

"Is he ok?" Mars demanded anxiously.

"He's in shock," Mercury began before Sailor Saturn appeared from out of nowhere and began healing him.

"Hotaru?!" Moon burst out. "Where did you come from?"

"I was shopping for a birthday gift for Neptune-momma when the youma showed up," Saturn explained. "It almost got me when he attacked it with a baseball bat so I could escape. It took me this long to find a place to change."

"Ow," John said as he sat up, Saturn's healing having done an excellent job. Mars opened her mouth to say something and John stopped her with a raised finger and a glare. "Save it! You did what you thought best at the time I'm sure and saved a bunch of people probably including me, but that doesn't mean I'm talking to someone who set me on fire!" He didn't need to see a video to figure out what happened.

"Umm," Moon said, never having been in this position before.

"Forget it," John said. "Just because I'm pissed off doesn't mean you lot did a bad job, but it does mean I'm lousy company right now. Thank you and goodbye."

The scouts watched John stamp off the remains of his shirt flaking off him.

"That could have gone better," Venus said.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

John shook ash off his undershirt and put it back on, glad he wore black undershirts because they were harder to stain.

John rubbed his scalp and leaned against the wall outside the mall, bemoaning the loss of all his hair, and thanked heaven for Mercury's quick thinking once more. If it hadn't been for her John would have gotten fricasseed by Mars' fire soul. 'Can't believe that damn pyro set me on fire when I was frozen in place!' If it hadn't been for Saturn's healing ability he'd still be sporting blisters on all exposed skin! 'Shame she couldn't heal my hair.' He silently mourned the loss of his hair.

Pulling out his map he scanned it for something to take his mind off his troubles. "Wish this thing had a map to where I could make a lot of cash easily," he muttered before staring in shock as the map flickered and changed showing directions and a different area. "I wish I had all the powers of Superman," he quickly said waiting for a couple of seconds before poking the wall with a finger and finding it was as strong as ever. "Damn!"

Shrugging it off as unimportant he read the directions again and took note of what it said he needed.

"Hey John!" a voice called out and he looked up to see all five inners plus Saturn in civilian ID heading his way.

"I wanted to introduce you to my friend Rei," Makoto said a bit nervously.

John looked at Rei. "I'm still not talking to you," he said firmly, causing the girls to shoot him shocked and worried looks.

"So… you remember me?" Rei asked cautiously.

"Call me crazy, but I'm completely incapable of forgetting the face of someone who sets me on fire."

"On fire?" Usagi asked, holding Luna and wondering how they were going to get out of this one.

"I was standing quietly somewhere she didn't expect anyone to be so she panicked and set me on fire. There were blisters everywhere but it was long enough ago that the blisters are all gone. I'd still rather not talk about it though, it's a painful subject with me, because if I had inhaled when the fire hit I'd have destroyed my lungs and died on the spot."

Rei winced as she realized what she'd almost done.

"Normally I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got things to do. See you tonight Makoto," John said, waving goodbye and rushing off, he planned on a quick shower and questioning the toaster.

"I can't believe he lied to all of us like that," Rei said trying to find a reason to dislike him so she wouldn't feel so guilty for almost killing him.

"He didn't lie once," Luna said smugly.

"But he said Rei set him on fire, like a long time ago!" Usagi protected.

"No, he said Rei set him on fire long enough ago that the blisters are all gone now, which is true but misleading."

"So he didn't lie?"

"He told the truth in a way that would throw us off track, because he's trying to protect Rei's secret identity."

"Seriously?" Rei asked shocked.

"Like in class!" Usagi burst out before explaining the youma skit to Rei.

"So he knows my identity, but not you guys'," Rei said thoughtfully. "Or else he wouldn't try to cover for me in front of you. Any idea why he'd know mine but no one else's?"

"I'm guessing the fact that you set him on fire engraved what you look like into his memory too strongly for the disguise field to erase," Usagi offered, sounding more knowledgeable than anyone expected.

"That or the fact that you completely saturated him with your magic made the field read that he was you for a moment," Ami theorized. "After all the fields don't work on ourselves or looking in a mirror would make us forget our civilian identities."

"Then why didn't he recognize you?" Rei asked.

"Because my magic clouded his vision with fog so he couldn't see me while all this was going on. You were seen because your 'Fire Soul' burned away all the fog between you and him," Ami suggested.

"We got off extremely lucky," Luna said. "He survived the attack mostly intact and was still loyal enough to his ideals that he didn't expose Rei's secret identity."

"He was covered in youma goop, how was I supposed to know he was human?" Rei moaned.

"You weren't," Luna said simply. "Sometimes there is no perfect solution. Rei acted as trained and so did Ami. Thanks to both their quick actions we weren't' blindsided by a possible enemy and a civilian lost nothing more than some hair, which will grow back, and some clothes. He has a right to be annoyed and Rei should apologize to him at some point, but at least it's someone trustworthy."

Rei looked at Luna suspiciously. "Aren't you the one who suspected Tuxedo Mask was evil and not to be trusted?"

"Luna's sweet on him because he pays a lot of attention to her," Minako teased.

Luna rolled her eyes. "No I trust him because I've spent enough time to get to know him. He's harmless, friendly and unlike most kids his age he actually thinks things through."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

John picked up the shovel and got a feel for it, solid oak with a steel handle and blade. It wasn't designed to be a weapon, but you could use it as an edged weapon or to do blunt damage pretty easily, plus he couldn't recall the cops arresting anyone for carrying one. He'd considered a hammer, but that was more for close up fighting and he'd rather have a little distance between him and anything he had to kill, especially spiders. After a bit of thought he bought one as well just in case a spider got closer than he could wield a shovel effectively.

He really hoped this panned out because whomever had dropped him here had neglected to cover food and clothing when setting everything up, so while he wouldn't end up homeless he could end up starving in his apartment. He examined the directions one more time, mentally checking off a weapon useful against small creatures and spiders and something to collect gold with.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"And why do I have to do this again?" Rei asked.

"Because you set him on fire, he still protected your identity, and Luna will drive us all insane if you don't," Ami replied.

"And why are you here with me?"

"To make sure you apologize and because Makoto doesn't' want any negative associations with this whole mess, since she lives next door and likes him," Ami replied.

"Fine," Rei said and rang the bell. After waiting impatiently for another couple of minutes she rang it again.

"I don't' think he's home," Ami said.

"Joy," Rei growled. "Now what?"

"I guess we can wait at Makoto's place until he gets home."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

John looked at the calm and peaceful, medieval village behind him and then at the other end of the bridge where a dark and scary forest loomed. Back; sunlight and laughter, forward; thorns and darkness. Sidestepping reality into what appeared to be a low level RPG setup had turned out to be eerily easy with the maps directions.

"I hope the map is accurate," he muttered to himself before heading into the forest and wondering why the map had suggested he schedule therapy for arachnophobia before going. "Smashing a bunch of spiders while retrieving gold isn't that traumatic."

**Five minutes later…**

John cursed as he smashed another plate sized spider with his shovel and wished he'd brought something more appropriate…like a flame thrower! Suddenly all the spiders that had been attacking him started scurrying off and he took a couple of deep breaths and chuckled. "Well that wasn't so hard."

A branch snapped behind him and John had a sinking feeling things had just gotten a whole lot tougher.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Any idea when he'll get home?" Rei asked.

Makoto shrugged. "Normally he'd be home already, but since he was set on fire today I'm guessing he felt the need to go blow off some steam."

Ami pulled out the Mercury computer and started typing. "I'll set it up to scan for him so you can stop asking for him every five minutes."

"I haven't…" Rei trailed off. "I have, haven't I?"

"Just about," Ami confirmed. "And…huh."

"Huh?" Makoto asked.

"I've got a reading of some kind of magic coming from his apartment," Ami replied.

"I knew there was something fishy about him!" Rei declared, relieved that she hadn't set an innocent civilian on fire.

"Damnit!" Makoto cursed. "Why is it every guy I have a shot at turns out to be evil?"

"I didn't say he was evil," Ami corrected. "I said I've got a reading of some sort of magic from his apartment."

"Can you narrow it down any?" Minako asked.

"I'm working on that now," Ami replied absently as she typed away.

"Just because he has something magical in his apartment doesn't mean he has to be evil," Makoto said, trying to convince herself.

"He could have ended up with an energy draining device that the youma keep passing around," Minako pointed out. "There are dozens of those still floating around."

"No this is definitely Silver Millennium energy," Ami said startling the others. "I'm trying to narrow it down further, because it reads like a major artifact, so it probably belongs to a specific scout." The girls waited anxiously until Ami finally said, "Got it! It's definitely connected to Haruka or at least has a similar energy signature as her magic."

"I suppose scouting out the situation a little more wouldn't hurt," Makoto allowed. "Just as long as we don't jump the gun."

"…definitely something of yours," Rei said into her cellphone. "His place is empty right now so there's no time like the present."

"Or we could just escalate things into a major disaster," Makoto said flatly.

"What?" Rei asked cluelessly.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Grand Theft Toaster!**

John shuddered and gave thanks once more that it was impossible to inject poison into someone who sprayed blood like a geyser when his skin was pierced. He also gave thanks to large spiders that drowned when a gallon of blood was sprayed down their throat and that healing potions were cheap. Truthfully he was pretty sure he had gotten ripped off on both the healing potions and the identify spells, but since he didn't need to buy any antidotes he really cleaned up in the spider infested forest anyway.

'I think I even went up a level,' John thought to himself as he limped up the stairs. 'Of course I have no idea what that means in the real world…or wherever the hell it is I'm living now.'

As John passed Makoto's door she suddenly burst out and he found himself pressed against the wall with her on him.

"Eep!" Makoto quickly climbed off him. "Sorry about that."

"No problem," John said waving it off when he heard the sound of breaking glass coming from his apartment and noticed the broken lock.

Dropping his backpack he rushed into his apartment only to see a flash of legs going out the newly broken window as a familiar voice yelled, "I'm being stolen, help!"

Rushing to the window he could just make out Sailor Uranus roof hopping away with his toaster.

Makoto's voice came from his front door. "Is everything ok?"

Joe sighed and walked past Makoto and back into the hall to retrieve his backpack. "Today…I've had one Senshi pull a Rei and set me on fire, and another has kicked in my door and broken out my window, I'm not sure why as they were both unlocked, so she could steal my toaster."

"She stole your toaster?" Makoto asked in disbelief.

"Yes, the bitch stole my toaster! The next senshi I see is getting a shovel to the face."

"Owch," Makoto muttered uneasily.

John sighed. "Ok, that's probably a bit much, after all it's only Mars and Uranus who have attacked me in one way or another. Moon is innocent and I owe Mercury and Saturn."

"What about Jupiter and Venus?" Makoto blurted out.

"Venus is cursed and Jupiter…" John trailed off thoughtfully, but really didn't feel up to flirting at the moment so he waited, hoping he guessed right about who shoved Makoto out the door to distract him, though he had no clue why Uranus stole his toaster.

"Venus is cursed?" Minako asked popping out of Makoto's place.

"Something about love and duty," John replied. "Don't ask how I know, I just know."

"And Jupiter?" Makoto asked.

John was tired from fighting giant spiders and the healing potions hadn't done anything for that, he'd been set on fire by one senshi and had another burgle his place. It was safe to say he was grumpy, out of sorts, and in no way in the mood for flirting. He had a snarky comment ready as he turned and looked into Makoto's hopeful brown eyes, when his hormones reminded him he was a teen again and nothing short of a sucking chest wound should throw him off his game. "It's probably best if I don't run into Jupiter in public," John said solemnly.

"What? Why?" Makoto asked.

"Well it's like someone designed her to hit all of my weaknesses," John replied. "Brave, beautiful, heroic and that's not even taking into account her impressive rack and dynamite legs."

Makoto began blushing as Minako listened to John sing Jupiter's praises with a grin, happy to forget her own troubles for the moment.

"Why if I ran into her I'd immediately drop to my knees and," John said before leaning in and whispering the rest in Makoto's ear.

Minako had no idea what he'd whispered but Makoto was frozen solid and so red she looked sunburned.

"Well as much as I'd like to stay and chat, I have to clean my place and get to bed."

"Not to mention get your door fixed," Minako said poking the oblivious Makoto in the side.

"Nah, I don't lock my door anyway. I hate getting locked out and odds are I'm not going to get robbed anyway. I'll fix it up a bit so it looks ok and leave it be, but I do have to cover up my window until I can get it replaced."

"Well…see you in school tomorrow," Minako said dragging Makoto into her apartment.

"What happened?" Rei demanded.

"Uranus kicked in his front door and broke out his back window," Minako said. "Which he never locks, so it was needless damage."

"And the artifact?" Ami asked.

"A toaster," Minako replied clearly unhappy with Rei calling in Uranus.

Rei whipped out her cell phone and called Haruka.

"A toaster?" Ami asked doubtfully.

"Yes, a toaster," Minako replied. "Not every artifact is going to be a weapon. I'm pretty sure they had kitchens back then too."

"That was an awful lot of power for a toaster," Ami said.

"He used it to make grilled cheese sandwiches," Makoto said, having recovered from her hormonal overload.

Rei closed her cellphone. "Haruka said it's intelligent, but it is a toaster."

"So rather than giving him the apology Luna said you owed him, you called Haruka and arranged for her to do needless damage to his place while robbing him," Makoto said bluntly.

Rei winced. "I guess I should go apologize now before I make things worse." While she'd really like to blame John for everything that had happened, she had to admit all he seemed guilty of was having a Silver Millennium toaster.

"Not unless you want to get smacked with a shovel," Makoto warned her. "After having his place burgled by the Sailor Senshi warrior of love and Justice, Sailor Uranus he's sworn if he sees either her or Mars he's going to smack them in the face with a shovel. I'm just glad he's not down on all the senshi. Give him a week to cool down and then apologize."

"He was really pissed at us all for a minute there," Minako agreed. "Then he reminded himself of the two senshi he owed and went down the list about which ones he had no right to be mad at. He'll probably get over being pissed at Rei, but I'm not sure about Haruka."

"I should apologize to him," Makoto said suddenly, taking out her henshin rod. "I'll just transform and…"

Minako plucked Makoto's henshin rod from her hand. "And take a cold shower," she said pushing her towards the bathroom.

"What was that about?" Rei asked as Makoto went to shower.

"He's got a huge weakness for Jupiter. As in fall on his knees and… worship, type," Minako explained with a smirk.

"Wouldn't you normally encourage her to take advantage of that?" Ami asked dryly.

"Nope. I'm sure I could get a guy easy as Venus, but catching them while in our civilian ID's is important, cause otherwise you'd never know if he liked you for you."

"That's surprisingly deep," Rei said.

Minako shrugged. "The reason I don't have a boyfriend isn't because I lack an understanding of how relationships work."

Ami and Rei just looked at her, the question clear in their eyes even if they weren't rude enough to ask it.

"I'm cursed," Minako admitted.

Ami was already scanning while Rei started examining her.

"I've already talked to Setsuna," Minako said shaking her head. "My powers will chip away at the curse until it breaks in roughly four to five years. Trying to break it magically could strengthen it and make it take longer."

"Oh," Ami said quietly before examining her readings with a frown. "I've got additional magical sources in John's apartment now that he's home."

"More sources?" Minako asked curiously.

"Several small ones, no idea what they are except they are neither Silver Millennium nor Dark Kingdom," Ami replied.

"He's got a talent," Minako decided. "He probably senses magic. It'd explain how he knew my curse and he ended up with the toaster."

"I'm surprised he hasn't figured out who we are then," Ami said thoughtfully.

"If he did he wouldn't say anything," Minako pointed out.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"What do I do with two months off?" John asked himself, as he covered the broken window with a sheet of plastic.

His money problems were over, thanks to the map, and he was doing fine in school and everything else. Really the only problems he had were youma and getting his toaster back. "I bet Ranma Saotome never had problems like this," he muttered before pulling out his map and reading it. "I didn't even have to make a wish, I guess it responds to my desires. Now let's see what I need to get some training from the man who trained Ranma."

A shiver went down John's back, but he couldn't figure out why, as he only remembered that Genma was easily swayed by food and had trained Ranma.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello, can I help you?" the young lady who answered the door asked pleasantly.

"I hope so. My name is John Flint and I'm looking for Genma Saotome."

"If you'd like to step inside I'll see if he's available," she offered.

"Thank you, it's much appreciated."

The next thing John knew he was sitting at a table sipping tea as the young lady introduced herself, "I'm Kasumi Tendo, forgive me for not introducing myself earlier, but I've just finished overseeing some major renovations and it's been a bit stressful."

"It's quite alright," he replied trying to make a good impression.

"I hope I'm not intruding, but may I ask what you want with Uncle Genma?" Kasumi knowing that Genma was listening in and that this was probably the easiest way to get him to the table.

"I plan on asking him to train me, alone with no distractions for two months."

"What style of martial arts to you practice?"

"None. I'm not a fighter by nature, so Genma will probably find this to be easy, as I don't expect to learn more than the basics. I was thinking two months of camping out basically. I figure he'll have plenty of time to enjoy the quiet and fish while I work on whatever he assigns me."

"Uncle Genma isn't all that fond of camping," Kasumi warned, not wanting to see the polite young man too disappointed by Genma's inevitable refusal.

"I know," John smirked. "I took that into account when I figured out what to bribe him with."

"Really?" Kasumi asked curiously hoping for something interesting.

"Yep. It helps solve a problem he created for his son, at least in part," John said evasively.

"You aren't going to tell me are you?" Kasumi asked with a glint of humor in her eyes.

"Nope," he grinned. "But as soon as Genma gets here I'll show you."

"Hello!" Genma said suddenly appearing. "I heard you had an offer for me?"

It was obvious to John that Genma was hoping it was Jusenkyo water. "Yes, I took the time to do some research on what would be worth two months of your time training me away from Nerima and this is what I came up with."

The two followed John outside and stared confused.

"A food cart?" Kasumi asked.

"Not just any food cart. This is the food cart that Genma abandoned," John said with a grin.

"Why would I want a food cart I abandoned?" Genma asked.

"Because this cart is Ukyo's dowry if you'll recall. You return this cart to Ukyo and adopt her as Ranma's sister and you'll have one less obstacle to getting Ranma to marry Akane. Not to mention how proud your wife and son will be of you," John said.

"And why should I go along with it?" Ukyo said, having approached unnoticed, probably notified of everything that was going on by her personal kunoichi.

"Because you like being in charge of your own life and business, which being married would change and as Ranma's sister you would own a small piece of his heart and never have to worry about his walking out of your life again," John said, glad he'd memorized what he was going to say to her earlier.

"Let me examine the cart first," Ukyo countered.

John removed his backpack and sleeping bag from inside the cart. "Go ahead."

Ukyo ran her hands along the edges of the grill, like she was remembering something, before carefully turning four burners to specific temps. There was a loud click and Ukyo smiled and lifted the grill, revealing a number of sealed scrolls hidden underneath. "Still unopened," she breathed. "I accept."

"Oops," Genma muttered, his face pale as he realized what exactly he'd been offered and what he'd stolen and then thrown away so thoughtlessly.

"Translate for the culturally impaired here?" John asked.

"My dowry wasn't just the cart, it was also all the secrets of my art, which is why my father flipped when Genma ran off with the cart. Since the scrolls are still sealed it means Genma only took the cart, meaning my clan's problem with the Saotome clan goes from 'it takes heart's blood to wash away the dishonor' to 'beat him so badly he'll always walk with a limp."

Genma groaned.

Ukyo grinned. "Of course if he's adopting me it downgrades to 'give him a swift kick in the ass if he's in town' and since you adopted a daughter of the clan they have to give you a free okonomiyaki afterwards."

Genma sighed and shook his head. "Give me the names and address of all the members of the Kuonji clan and I'll apologize to each family member personally before letting them kick me. But first I believe I have a young man to train."

Ukyo was practically singing as she left with the cart, her honor problems now solved.

"Let's finish over tea before it gets cold," Kasumi said, shooing the two indoors, where they found the entire family had shown up to see what the commotion was.

"So what did you do now, pops?" Ranma asked suspiciously.

"Contracted with me to find and return Miss Kuonji's food cart," John replied. "Miss Kuonji just informed us that returning the cart as he has done, as well as adopting her as your sister, removes any further obligations. Honor has been satisfied. Of course he's also asked for a listing of all the Kuonji clan members' homes so he can apologize to them personally."

Everyone turned to Kasumi who nodded.

"Wow!" Ranma finally said, summing up the feelings of everyone involved, except for Nodoka who just smiled serenely having always had faith in her husband.

"All for the cost of two months training out in the wilds with no distractions," John said. "Sorry to deprive you all of his presence for that long but I have a greater need for him." John figured a little flattery would help grease the wheels.

"Actually this would be an excellent opportunity for Ranma to exercise his teaching skills," Soun Tendo said. "Why him and Akane could take turns teaching you the Anything Goes style."

"Couple of problems with that," John said. "My deal specifically names Genma Saotome, because while Ranma is a world class martial artist, Genma is a world class trainer. Plus, Ranma can't even go away for the weekend to train without all of Nerima following him. And finally, I'm not a martial artist nor do I expect Genma to be training me to become one."

"Then what am I to be training you in?" Genma asked in confusion.

"Escape, evasion, distraction, and last but not least…how to get back my toaster!" John swore clenched fist upraised.

Everyone stared.

John blushed. "I'll explain more when we reach the campsite."

"Can I come?" Kasumi asked suddenly, startling everyone nearly as much as the toaster comment did.

"If you like," John said. "But I don't know why you would. It's probably going to be fairly boring and primitive out in the woods."

"Spending the summer someplace new just appeals to me and I can help cook," she offered.

"I've made sure I'm well stocked on food, but it's for Western style camping cooking mostly, so I'll be doing the majority of the cooking. If you still want to come along, get your camping supplies together."

"Thank you," Kasumi said shooting a smile at John before leaving to collect her things.

"Ranma and Akane-" Soun began, still wanting an excuse to get Ranma and Akane somewhere together away from the chaos. And possibly away from the kitchen.

"Still can't come without causing massive amounts of chaos," John interrupted. "Although I would extend an invitation to Nodoka so Kasumi has another woman around to talk to and so I'm not depriving her of her husband's company."

Nodoka smiled. "I'd love to come, but it'll take me until after lunch to get everything packed."

"We might as well let Genma get in one more home cooked meal before subjecting him to my foreign cooking," John joked as Nodoka and Genma went off to pack.

"So, what do you do?" Nabiki asked, fishing for information, as she figured she could sell the information on where Ranma's parents were to Cologne at least, if not the Kuno's as well as anything else she learned.

"Nabiki Tendo?" John just to be certain, though he was pretty sure of who she was.

"That's me," Nabiki confirmed. "So tell us about yourself and where you're planning on training."

"Of the number of people on my list to avoid spending time with or speaking to, you head the list. You've sold the information on where Ranma was training and convinced everyone that he was with some random girl there so they would pay you a lot of money and disrupt his training, because you have no respect for martial artists considering them nothing more than dumb jocks put here for your entertainment. You'll get nothing from me," John said trying to put her on the defensive in hopes of not having to deal with her while he was here.

"Oh how cruel," Nabiki said quickly burying her face in her hands and pretending to cry. "To be snubbed because of rumors others have spread about me!"

Soun looked about ready to go demon head while Ranma was panicking as he always did around crying females, and Akane was glaring.

"Forget it," John said flatly. "I've got a magic ring making me an empath, meaning your little act here is about as convincing to me as trying to pull a feint in a fight with Ranma. He held up a hand and showed the ring.

John's announcement stopped everyone in their tracks as they tried to figure out what he meant by that.

"What's an empath?" Akane asked confused.

"Someone who controls other's emotions," Nabiki said, no longer pretending to be crying and already planning on using Akane to make him more cooperative.

"Huh?" Ranma said, still wondering if he should continue panicking or not since Nabiki was no longer crying.

"For instance any perverted thoughts or ideas you've had since he walked in the door could be because he was controlling you," Nabiki said, knowing that Akane was still heavily in denial about having a sex drive.

"Son, is this true?" Soun asked intently, wondering how you could tell if your emotions were your own.

"If it was you wouldn't ask that question, because I could make you feel like I'm your favorite son. I can feel emotions like you can hear someone talking and with as much effect," John explained.

"Why he probably made Kasumi want to come. I wonder what he plans on doing to her?" Nabiki said in a worried tone, wondering if she laid it on too thick.

"You bastard!" Akane yelled, rushing forward to deal with the threat to Kasumi.

John didn't bother trying to dodge, knowing that in Takahashi-verse women's wrath was all but unavoidable by Ranma, a world class martial artist, much less an untrained civilian like himself.

"Using Akane-" John began, but he didn't get to finish what he was saying as she hit him, fortunately Ranma had seen what was going on and managed to partially deflect her strike with a kick much to her shock. Even just receiving a fraction of the blow spun John like a top and slammed him into the wall, a nail causing a slight cut across the side of his head before dropping his limp body to the floor, a rapidly growing puddle of blood forming under his head as his unique physiology made things look a lot worse than they were.

"Why did you-" Akane began when she took in the look of horror on Ranma's face.

"You killed him," Soun said in shock as he stared at the body of their guest and the expanding puddle of blood that didn't show any signs of slowing down.

"He had no training at all," Ranma said quietly. "He said so himself when he arrived."

"Oh god," Akane moaned collapsing in shock, Ranma barely catching her before she could fall.

Nabiki just stared, wondering how she could fix this as having a murderer as a sister would seriously affect her possibly earnings in the future. Before anyone could bring themselves to do anything, Kasumi came down to ask what weather to pack for and immediately jumped into action, checking John's vital signs and bandaging the wound.

"How is he still alive?" Ranma asked as he held the pale and trembling Akane.

"I don't know," Kasumi said. "But his pulse is strong and the wound wasn't that bad, scalp wounds just bleed a lot."

"I didn't think there was that much blood in a human body," Ranma said.

Kasumi looked at the large pool of blood and shook her head. "There shouldn't be. How did this happen?"

Akane quickly babbled out her explanation with Ranma chiming in details she'd missed or overlooked.

"Ow," John said coming to. "What hit me?"

"Akane," Nabiki said, still wondering how to spin this to her advantage.

"Oh, yeah," John said slowly. "I remember now. You didn't like the fact that I wouldn't tell you anything, so first you faked crying and then you used Akane to try and murder me."

"Now see here-" Soun began.

"Don't bother," John interrupted him. "I was warned before coming here about Nabiki and Akane, I just didn't take the warning seriously enough."

"Warned?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah, I was warned that Nabiki Tendo would do anything for a few yen, not caring who got hurt in the process since she's a sociopath and that Akane Tendo is easily manipulated and had no self-control. I forgot myself, thinking just having nothing to do with either one of them would keep me safe for a few hours."

"Now see here-" Soun tried again.

"I think the gallon or so of my blood staining the floor pretty much said it all, don't you?" John asked.

"How did you bleed so much and not die?" Kasumi asked, not wanting to deal with her sisters at the moment.

"I have twenty odd gallons of blood under high pressure," he explained. "Don't say it's impossible or ask why, it's just the way I am."

"So I didn't really hurt you?" Akane asked.

"You hurt me enough to knock me out and cut my scalp, but you didn't kill me."

"I'll get a mop," Kasumi volunteered before going to get cleaning supplies.

"So how'd you become an emp-thingy," Ranma asked, wanting to avoid setting off another argument.

"Magic ring," John replied holding up his left hand. "It tells me what anyone is feeling if they're close by."

"Where'd you get something like that?" Ranma asked curiously.

"In a forest filled with giant spiders."

"Here," Kasumi said, handing cleaning supplies to Akane and Nabiki. "You made the mess, you clean it up. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to take John off for some Ramen."

Everyone watched in shock as Kasumi drug off John.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"I didn't think they were this bad," Kasumi said quietly when they reached the sidewalk.

"Nabiki and Akane have never had to deal with any long term consequences for their actions," John offered. "As soon as they reach college and are forced to, they'll change."

"You sound so certain," Kasumi said, her tone pleading for reassurance.

"I am. People don't grow up until forced to. Those two act like children because they can, but given no other choice they will mature."

"Thank you," Kasumi said quietly.

They walked in silence for a bit while Kasumi slowly regained her trademark serenity. John held open the door to the Cat Café for Kasumi.

"Welcome…ah, hello Kasumi," Cologne greeted her. "Here for lunch or is something going on with son-in-law and who's your friend?"

"Here for lunch, elder Cologne," Kasumi replied cheerfully. "Nothing is going on with Ranma at the moment, except Mr. Saotome has made peace with Ukyo and she's going to be adopted as Ranma's sister."

"That's good news," Cologne said seeing one more obstacle to Ranma's marriage to her grand-daughter Shampoo gone. "And your friend?"

"John Flint, honored elder," he introduced himself as politely as if she were a dragon, knowing how dangerous the old woman was.

"May I ask what your connection to the Tendo's is and please say it's something gossip worthy, like being a suitor for Kasumi, because if I'm not mistaken I can see the outline of a ring in your shirt pocket," she teased.

"I should be so lucky," he replied. "No I'm here for training with Mr. Saotome. The ring is actually a cursed magic item that I haven't decided what to do with yet."

"Really?" Cologne asked curiously.

"Really," he confirmed. "Cursed may not be the right word, because women, or those that don't mind becoming women, could find the ring very useful. That's why I haven't just thrown it away."

"May I examine the ring after I take your order?" Cologne asked eagerly.

"Sure," John said agreeably. "Do you know what you want, Kasumi?"

"The house special is always good."

"Two house specials please," John ordered.

John and Kasumi slid into a booth across from each other and Cologne quickly joined them sitting next to Kasumi, after a couple of handsigns to Shampoo relaying their order.

John pulled out a delicate looking platinum ring encrusted with rubies and emeralds in a rose motif.

"The Ring of the Rose," John explained, handing it to Cologne. "There once was a mage (whose name is deliberately forgotten) who kept trying and failing to woo half-elven maids. He was a half-elven jerk with a lousy personality who couldn't admit his own faults, so he decided the reason he couldn't find himself a half-elven maid was because there weren't enough of them."

Kasumi giggled while Cologne chuckled, both amused at the egotistical mage.

"Being a powerful mage he decided he'd do something about the dearth of half-elven maids. He worked on the problem for fifteen years and this was his solution. There are somewhere between five and fifteen of them in existence and they all do the exact same thing," John took a drink of water.

"Let me guess," Kasumi said excitedly. "From what you've said so far I'm guessing they turn whoever is wearing them into a half-elven maid, whether they like it or not, so the useful effect would be something used to lure people into using it…though I can't guess what that could be."

"Written on the inside of the band is the activation word," John explained. "Of course it's written in elvish since it's a common language in the area I got the ring from."

Cologne held up the ring so Kasumi could see the flowing foreign script on the inside of the band.

"It's T'Ral'Faz, which means flowing blossom," John explained.

"Tralfaz?" Cologne asked, her clothes exploding into rags a moment later as the years seemed to melt off her leaving a slender young woman with jewel like eyes and pointed ears in her place.

A loud thud drew the three's attention to Mousse, who'd actually been wearing his glasses and had seen the transformation and passed out with a nose bleed. Impressively enough he hadn't spilled a drop of their order. Shampoo immediately shooed out the few customers that were there for early lunch giving them their orders to go for free.

"I had it pinched between two fingers," Cologne said, her voice now the equivalent of aural chocolate, smooth and rich.

'Good lord, she's an elven MILF! I guess only the young elven girls have the whole tinkling bells voice going on,' John thought to himself.

Shampoo quickly returned handing her great grandmother one of her blouses and taking the ramen from the still passed out Mousse. "What happened?" she demanded.

"A magic ring that has a one in twenty chance cumulative for each use of turning the wearer into a half-elven maid when activated," John quickly explained. "It's generally used by people a lot younger than Cologne-chan, turning them into young elven maids so it translated her years into the elven equivalent, which would be… mid-twenties."

"The change is permanent?" Cologne asked. "And what exactly is the difference between a human and a half-elf?"

"It's permanent and half-elves are more graceful and beautiful than their human counterparts, but not quite as hardy or strong. Not a great deal of difference, but enough to be noticeable. They are more perceptive, allowing them to find hidden things easier, though I'm not quite sure how that translates locally. The two major changes that will probably mean the most to you are the extended lifespan, you'll stay youthful looking and feeling until nearly the end, and the greater talent for magic."

"And you call this a cursed ring?" Cologne asked with a smirk, her voice making John's pants feel a bit tight and raising a tent in the unconscious Mousse's robes.

"The power that is used to trick people into using it, is that it allows a variation of sight that makes the darkness clear as day, which ironically enough is something half-elves do possess. So most of the people converted into female half-elves are usually male and of a different species."

"I can see where that would be a problem," Cologne admitted.

"Yep, and since the rings are powerful enough to be considered minor artifacts they are almost impossible to destroy, so they tend to float around the territory I got them from, ensuring there are plenty of half-elven maids. I believe on the mage's birthday all the transformed girls gather to spit on his grave. I heard there is quite a large festival involved."

"How much would you take for the ring?" Cologne asked. "Because while you may find it cursed, I have quite a few friends who would consider it a blessing."

"Because it overrides a Jusenkyo curse?"

Colognes eyes widened perceptibly, a testament to how shocked she was, or possibly how unbalanced she was by the flood of hormones her younger body held. "Are you serious?"

"The ring is theoretically powerful enough, but I haven't tested it yet. The place where I got it from has a plethora of powerful shape changing spells, potions and items, but none of them can counteract the ring."

"How much?" Cologne asked flatly.

"All the Jusenkyo products you can get me. Jusenkyo may not be as powerful as all the shape changing methods I know of, but it's probably the easiest to get ahold of, as well as a promise of not taking any actions that would cripple or kill any member of the Tendo or Saotome clans."

Cologne chuckled, causing John to adjust himself. "If we were going to do something like that we would have done it long ago."

"I know, it's really just for the parent's peace of mind."

"Do they really think so little of us?" Cologne asked in concern.

"Most of what they know of your culture comes from Mousse trying to kill Ranma or anyone he thinks is Ranma, Shampoo's actions and whatever Happosai has told them."

"They haven't given us the best of impressions," Kasumi admitted apologetically, while Shampoo buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"I'd be happy to make that vow to them and make these two knuckleheads explain their actions," Cologne said with a rueful smile.

"Like all chi users we Amazons are given to great passions and pledges, but we also take great care with our actions. Mousse could have simply filled the air in the Tendo compound with poison gas if he wanted Ranma dead and the Kiss of Death is usually followed by the Kiss of Rebirth, but I suppose I can educate the Tendo's after the pledge."

"So we have a deal?" John asked digging into his ramen.

"I believe so," Cologne agreed. "It's so nice when you find a deal that benefits everyone involved."

"I agree. I'll let you have the ring now and I'll pick up the Jusenkyo products in about two months."

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Look!" Nabiki said holding out a book for the others to see. "This is a book about an empath controlling people by altering their emotions."

A quick call to an otaku who'd owed her had gotten Nabiki a load of information about empaths and a list of books about them, as well as a couple delivered to her while Akane and Ranma cleaned up the blood. A half dozen rings that looked vaguely like the ring he wore were also hidden away, having taken a bit to collect.

Akane didn't say anything, still upset about almost killing someone, but she did stop glaring at Nabiki.

Soun nodded, satisfied that his little girl had just been looking out for her older sister.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Why did you pay for lunch with a gold coin?" Kasumi asked curiously as they headed back to the Tendo's place.

"All the yen I have is for a different Tokyo. Here you would either consider it worthless or counterfeit."

"A different Tokyo?" Kasumi asked.

John hadn't planned on telling anyone about being from another reality but like most people when faced with Kasumi, he found himself opening up to her. "There are an infinite number of Tokyo's laid on top of one another like the skin of an onion and the only thing separating them is time."

"Parallel World Theory?" Kasumi asked, having read a few sci-fi novels in between all the medical texts she borrowed from Dr. Tofu.

"Exactly, and while we all travel through time in step with our native Tokyo, there are places where you can step from one to another if you move correctly."

"So you came all the way from another Tokyo to learn from Uncle Genma?"

"Yep. His skill as a trainer has spread beyond this Tokyo. In my Tokyo we have a bit of a youma problem. There are already people chosen to deal with it, but I don't like being defenseless, so I decided to find a trainer who could actually teach me something useful in the two months I have before school starts up again."

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking," Kasumi said politely. "Bald and over six feet tall makes it hard to guess."

"I had at least a decade or more on you before someone decided to make me fourteen again," John replied. "So I'm both older and younger than you."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"So he's made us all feel this way?" Ranma asked doubtfully.

"Exactly!" Nabiki said.

"Then how did Akane attack him?"

"Because either her anger kept him from manipulating her or her attacking him was something he planned," Nabiki suggested. "After all Akane isn't likely to attack him again after what happened earlier and all it took was making her feel even more guilty over an honest mistake."

"That bastard!" Akane growled, pissed at someone taking advantage of her gentle and forgiving nature.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Soun always wore rose colored glasses around his little girls, wanting to believe the best about them, so he easily fell sway to Nabiki's arguments before she shooed him upstairs to help the Saotome's pack. Akane would buy any story that cleared her of being at fault, a flaw that Nabiki knew and used to manipulate her on a daily basis, so she immediately agreed to Nabiki's plan.

The only real holdout was Ranma, who'd seen too many of Nabiki's plans from the business end where he kept getting shafted by them. "Not a chance."

"We just need to get the ring off him," Nabiki cajoled, already planning on how to switch the ring with another so she could keep it for herself.

"I ain't mugging someone just cause you say so," Ranma said flatly.

"I'm not suggesting you mug him," Nabiki said, trying to seen reasonable. "I'm just suggesting we make sure he isn't manipulating us by keeping the ring in someone else's possession until he leaves. Does that sound like mugging him?"

"No, I guess not," Ranma admitted.

Before anything more could be said, the front door opened and Kasumi called out, "We're back."

This of course prompted Akane to storm over and nail John with a right cross that embedded him in the wall.

"Akane!" Kasumi snapped out, shocked at her behavior.

"What? He deserved it!" Akane replied defensively.

Nabiki rushed over to 'help' John. "Damn it, the ring's not here!"

Ranma pried John out of the wall and laid him on the sofa. "Nothing good ever comes from listening to Nabiki."

"What is going on?!" Kasumi demanded.

"We were just protecting you!" Akane proclaimed.

"And how is assaulting a guest protecting me?"

"He was controlling you with that empathy ring!"

"You mean this ring?" Kasumi asked sweetly, holding up her left hand.

"Can I see that?" Nabiki asked, thinking it would be even easier to switch the rings under her oblivious older sister's nose than John's.

"I don't think so," Kasumi said coldly, shocking everyone.

"Kasumi?" Ranma asked worriedly.

"Relax Ranma," Kasumi said gently, feeling his concern. "I'm still me; I'm just very upset at the moment. I asked to borrow the ring since I don't get to play with magical objects like you and your friends do and I can feel that Akane feels no remorse at all for her rudeness and that Nabiki wants the ring more than Uncle Genma wants lunch."

"That much?" Ranma asked wide eyed, making Kasumi giggle.

"Yes, now as soon as everyone is done packing and John wakes up we'll decide Nabiki and Akane's punishment."

"Punishment?!" the two screeched.

"Of course. You didn't think I'd let you get away with assaulting a guest did you?"

"But he was using that ring to control us!" Akane protested.

"I'm wearing the ring right now and I can tell you that all it does is allow you to feel others' emotions."

Soun and the Saotome's came down a few minutes later while Nabiki was still trying to figure out how to spin things in her favor.

Kasumi held up her left hand before Soun could say anything. "John let me borrow it while we were walking home and no, it doesn't let you control emotions."

"Well I didn't know that!" Nabiki quickly blurted out trying to put herself in the best possible light. "You suddenly decided to go off with some guy you just met for two months, who said he was an empath, so of course I was going to worry and think the worst."

Kasumi held up her hand showing everyone the ring again. "I can feel your emotions little sister, you don't even believe that story yourself. No, you manipulate everyone to try and get ahold of this ring."

"Well, I thought he was manipulating us," Akane spoke up in her own defense.

"Yes, you did," Kasumi agreed. "And twice you have assaulted someone with no training, who didn't lift a hand against you."

"He's huge!" Akane retorted.

"Which doesn't excuse your actions."

"He's coming around," Ranma said.

"What did I get hit for this time?" John asked, his head pounding.

"Nabiki convinced Akane you were controlling her again, probably so she could get her hands on the ring," Kasumi explained.

"You have no proof!" Nabiki exclaimed.

"I don't need any," Kasumi said. "I can tell from your response you're guilty. My, this ring would really help a mother raise children."

"Ranma can you bring me my backpack please?"

"Sure," Ranma said agreeably.

"What are you planning?" Nabiki asked suspiciously, suddenly worried about what other magic items he might be carrying.

"I'm planning on drinking a healing potion so I can stop seeing double. After that I'll make plans," he replied, nodding his thanks to Ranma who'd returned his pack.

Kasumi waited until John had retrieved and downed a glowing red vial before asking, "Since you are the injured party, what do you think should be done?"

"I think a full two month punishment is in order so they learn actions have consequences," John replied. "Meaning they will be punished until we return and then you can decide if they've learned their lesson or not, as you know them best."

"What?!" Nabiki and Akane shrieked.

Kasumi ignored her sisters' protests and went to answer the door, letting the three Amazons in.

"Greetings, elder Cologne, to what do we owe this visit?" Kasumi asked politely.

"I came over to deliver lunch and make good on my promise," the half-elven Cologne offered.

Shampoo and Mousse nodded politely and quickly set up the table with a small banquet of items, while Cologne attempted to address the Tendo's and Saotome's.

"Old Ghoul?!" Ranma exclaimed in shock.

"I'm surprised you recognize me, son-in-law," Cologne purred.

"You look like you did when we visited the past," Ranma replied. "Well if you'd gone to one of those spas women like afterwards."

The men had all quickly seated themselves at the table to hide certain responses caused by Cologne's voice.

"Why thank you, Ranma, that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me. John gave me a magic ring in exchange for some Jusenkyo products and a promise that I'm about to tell you and your family. Really I had thought it was obvious, but I can see how our actions must have looked to outsiders so here we go. I, Cologne of the Jusenkyo Amazons, swear that neither I nor those under my care seek to do any members of the Saotome or Tendo clans any permanent harm."

"How many magic rings do you have?" Nabiki demanded.

"One less since I gave one to Cologne," John replied.

Kasumi brought out the tea while the adults explained what was going on to the Amazons.

"Might I make a suggestion?" Cologne asked.

"Sure, I'd be glad to hear one," John replied.

"Well since Nabiki has no respect for martial artists, why not make her take up martial arts again? Give her to me for two months and I'm sure I can change her mind," Cologne said smirking as Nabiki paled.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," John said with a slowly growing smile. "Two months of hard work and discipline would do her a world of good."

"I was thinking of taking a couple of months off and training myself to get used to being young again and Ranma is welcome to come along and keep an eye on Nabiki," Cologne suggested. "It'll give him a chance to see someone else getting trained from the ground up. That can't but help with his own teaching skills."

"Two months alone with-" Akane began, building up a head of steam before passing out from Shampoo tapping the back of her neck with a finger. Shampoo pulled Akane's head out of her ramen and moved her to the couch.

"I'd like Akane's strength and martial arts skills to be sealed for two months," John said. "No Ranma around to save her from her own actions, just Akane living like an ordinary schoolgirl. In fact I'll pay for her to attend summer school so she can see how the average Japanese teenager deals with things."

John reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of gold rings with large rubies on them.

"What to these do?" Ranma asked curiously.

"They sell for a lot of money," John replied. "Magic items aren't that common where I got them. I found about forty rings and only three were magical."

"Please tell me we're going someplace similar," Genma begged, visions of riches and magic dancing in his eyes.

John pulled out his map and examined its directions. "Probably not as rich as the place I went to, but it's possible."

Genma brightened up remarkably. "This trip is sounding better by the moment."

"If the area doesn't turn out to be that profitable, we can just stop by where I got the rings on the way back. Shouldn't take more than an hour for you to gather as much as I did. After all, you are much better trained than me and I can tell you how to avoid making the mistakes I did. I sold two magic rings for a couple of gold pieces because I didn't know how to get them identified at the time."

"What were they?" Kasumi asked.

"One was a ring of cantrips. It lets you cast dozens of cantrips a day. Cantrips are small spell that are useful for household chores, like mending seams or cleaning a spot off something. That would have been incredibly useful, since I live alone. The other ring was a Ring of Rat Command. It allowed you to command a couple of dozen rodents several times a day. That may not sound all that useful, but you could easily clear a building of a rodent problem with no poison or traps needed."

"If I get a good haul and those are among them consider them yours," Genma said generously, sure that it would make John more likely to take them there.

"It's a deal," John said agreeably.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	7. Chapter 7

John led them to a circle of mushrooms in a nearby park. "Ok, this is the first gate," he explained. "It's a fey gate so getting in is easy, but exiting where we want is a bit more difficult."

"How do we enter?" Genma asked.

"The fey are known for their sense of humor, so we enter by doing the hokey pokey."

"You're serious," Kasumi said in surprise.

"Yep. No one is likely to do the Hokey Pokey into a faerie circle by accident, so it's a safe and humorous key for them to use. Once we have all entered the gate I'll show you how to exit it to our next spot."

"You're making sure no one can follow us," Nodoka said thoughtfully.

"Yep," John replied cheerfully. "Ranma's training trips rarely allow him to get any training done because of the people following him. Anyone following us will sleep in the circle until we return."

"Like Rip Van Winkle?" Kasumi asked.

"Exactly, except we can grab them on our return so they don't sleep the decade away. Now everyone, circle around and stick your right foot it…"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

It took little 'shaking it all about' to suck the four into the ring of mushrooms, a ring that now seemed the size of a football field and the mushrooms themselves over six feet tall.

"Nobody touch the mushrooms or they'll release spores to put us to sleep," John quickly said.

"It… looks so colorless outside the circle," Kasumi said looking at the forest outside the circle of mushrooms.

"Time runs differently inside the circle," John explained taking out a black marker and drawing on his palm. "Ok, for the next bit I need everyone to concentrate on the symbol on my palm. Block out everything but the symbol," he said holding up his palm for them to see.

Genma and Nodoka vanished almost instantly, Kasumi not a second later allowing John to turn his palm and concentrate on the symbol, staring at it till it was all he could see and he felt himself falling towards it…

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"He's going to pay!" Nabiki swore.

"If you have enough breath to swear eternal vengeance, you have enough breath to do a few more laps!" Cologne called out cheerfully.

Nabiki ran around the track carrying a backpack while Ranma flicked watermelon seeds at her whenever she slowed down and the seeds stung at the speeds he was flicking them!

"So I really just ignore anything she says and force her to train until she passes out?" Ranma asked curiously.

"Depends on the situation," Cologne explained. "To break bad habits and instill proper discipline it's best to start that way, but doing it all the time is actually counterproductive."

"I hear ya," Ranma said agreeably. "It made me lose respect for pops when I got used to it and could train until he passed out watching me."

"Not quite what I meant," Cologne said, "as that's due to your godlike stamina."

Ranma smirked.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

A decrepit old school bus pulled to a shuddering stop in front of the Tendo's and the doors opened with a protesting shriek showing a driver in much the same condition. "Akane Tendo?" the bus driver asked.

"That's me," Akane admitted nervously, squeezing P-chan tightly.

"Welcome to the bus for Youkai Academy, I hope you won't come to regret your decision to come to us for summer classed, and think you'd made a grave error," the bus driver said before bursting into maniacal laughter.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

John blinked a few times and shook his head to clear the cobwebs before looking around and spotting the three Nerimans staring at a giant blue haired head floating in a sea of orange.

"Where are we?" Nodoka muttered.

"A very screwed up Japan," John said making the three jump.

"Wh-what happened here?" Kasumi asked.

"A war between man and god."

"Looks like god won," Genma said.

"Actually man won, but you know how destructive winning at all costs can be."

"We aren't staying here for the whole two months are we?" Kasumi asked with a shiver.

"Hell no!" John replied. "This is just another world along our path. In fact, this is the last world between us and where we're going."

"Do the Hokey Pokey into another fairy circle?" Genma asked his eyes darting around nervously, something about the environment setting him on edge.

John consulted his map again. "Ever play leap frog?"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Rei stepped into the clearing, noting the circle of mushrooms in the center. She'd followed the sound of people talking, but no one was present. She'd dismiss it as a hallucination if not for the footprints in the dirt.

She'd have to see what Shinji thought of this.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Genma took a deep breath and some of the tension flowed out of him as he surveyed the ancient forest around them.

"It's beautiful," Kasumi said in wonder.

"Worlds with high mana concentrations generally have the best scenery," John agreed.

"And we get to enjoy it for two full months," Nodoka said with a smile.

"The time differential between the two worlds means you could actually stay here for a full six months and only two would pass at home," John said.

"Training and a vacation," Genma said with a smile.

"We'd better find a place to set up our tents before nightfall," Nodoka said.

"Follow me," Genma said as he started walking like he knew where he was going.

"And how do you know where to go dearest?" Nodoka asked amused.

"Experience," Genma replied sagely. "In forests follow one of two things, game trails as they often lead to rivers, and ancient roadways as ruins generally make good campsites."

"Just remember not to disturb any ancient tombs, as around here the occupants could wake up and complain," John said as he followed.

"The air is so…clean," Kasumi enthused.

"The farther from civilization the healthier the environment," Genma said breathing deeply.

Nodoka moved up to link her arm with her husband.

"There used to be a road here," Kasumi said suddenly.

"Very sharp eye Kasumi," Genma said approvingly.

"It's…the shape and feel of the area," Kasumi replied. "I can't say any one thing that stands out, I just… know."

The area suddenly opened into a clearing with a river along one side and a mass of carved rock all around.

"Perfect," Genma declared. "Plenty of water and space for tents, as well as the perfect conditioning project."

"Conditioning project?" John asked.

"Yes," Genma said with an evil grin. "The first thing I have to do is get you in shape and there's no better way than back breaking labor to accomplish that!"

"Just remember, I have no chi training and can only lift like eighty pounds with any amount of regularity," John warned.

"I've whipped boys in worse condition than you into shape in less time than you'd think possible," Genma assured him.

John took off his backpack and pulled out a tent that was too long to fit in his pack. "Magic backpack," he explained. "The place I went had a few magic items that were common and this was one of them."

"I was wondering where you were hiding two months of camping supplies," Genma said.

"I've only got a week's worth of food with me, but we can hop back to the last world we were on for supplies when we need them."

"That…empty place?" Kasumi asked.

"Yeah, it has two, maybe three humans and an alcoholic penguin alive there, so there are plenty of stores you can get supplies from without a problem."

"I'll teach you how to hunt and fish," Genma said. "That should reduce the number of time we have to return there."

"Just remember this is a whole new world, expect new things and be really careful around the plants and animals."

Genma pulled a tent much too large to fit in his backpack out, using a chi technique and quickly set it up while John was still working on his own.

Kasumi and Nodoka gathered wood and made a circle of stones for a campfire. While bending over to set the tinder Kasumi froze and blushed rather heavily. Nodoka noticed the way John had quickly spun around and concentrated on putting his tent up with some amusement, as she put two and two together. "It's perfectly natural," Nodoka assured the blushing girl. "You're an attractive young woman."

"No one in Nerima seems to think so," Kasumi said sadly.

"I'd wager that if you bent over to pick something up in Nerima while wearing that ring you'd learn different."

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Oh yes," Nodoka said. "It's only the role you play as surrogate mother to everyone that keeps them from involving you in their tangled love lives."

"Oh," Kasumi said considering how she had kept herself apart from everything.

"Looks like he's finally gotten the tent he pitched under control," Nodoka said with some amusement. "You should put your stuff away."

Kasumi watched Nodoka put her things away in her husband's tent and realized she'd be sharing a tent with John, who did not consider her a surrogate mother in the slightest. Genma meanwhile took note of the local resources, noting the large rough stones that used to be some sort of structure here at one time and deciding how he could kill two birds using the same stones. John finished setting up the tent and tossed his sleeping gear inside before pulling an ice chest out of his backpack itself. He ignored the shiver that shot down his spine, thinking it was just an errant breeze of cool mountain air as he started preparing to roast hot dogs.

"It's really beautiful out here," Kasumi said as she watched John.

"This world has no technology I'm guessing," John said thoughtfully. "I don't see any contrails in the sky that would suggest planes, the stars are pretty visible even though the sun just set, meaning not a lot of artificial light bouncing off the upper atmosphere to obscure them."

"You don't know this world?" she asked curiously.

"Nope. I have a magic map that gives me the directions, but it doesn't provide a lot of details."

"How did you know the last world?"

"The last world I know because someone made it into an anime. I'm not sure whether he was a traveler or a psychic, but it was a popular show," John explained.

"That didn't look like happily ever after," Kasumi said with a shiver.

John took off his well-worn green overcoat and gave it to her. "A lot depends on your interpretation of events, but yeah, it's a bit of a downer."

"It just seemed so empty and not like here either."

"That world has only a few people and a penguin I believe; while this one is…well I don't know about this one. I think this is a world where technology hasn't developed yet, but for all I know it could be a world where humanity hasn't developed yet."

"What in the world is that?" Nodoka asked curiously with Genma pointing to a small creature that was watching them from the edge of the clearing.

It looked like a white rabbit, but it had what looked like a unicorn's horn sprouting from its brow and a large red ruby set in its forehead, just under that.

"It's called a Carbocon or something like that," John said. "Very skilled with the horn and unless they willingly give it up, the gem in their forehead crumbles to dust after being removed. They are not as intelligent as a human, but they aren't' exactly stupid either."

"How would you get the gem from them?" Genma asked intently.

"Bribery sometimes works, but most won't part with them for anything less than saving their children, as they take time to grow and are how they attract mates."

"So you do know something of this world?" Genma asked.

"I know something about horned rabbits, for instance worlds with Carbocons are general magically rich."

"Like the one you got the rings from?" Genma asked eagerly as the horned rabbit disappeared into the bushes.

"Yeah, and that means we'll have to make sure there's nothing threatening within a couple of miles."

"So treasure hunting and monster fighting?" Genma asked with a grin.

"Almost certainly," John said. "And we'll need to find or build something stronger than our tents to sleep in just to be on the safe side."

Nodoka and Kasumi looked happier at that announcement much to John's surprise.

"On most trips everyone else gets to have fun while we just sit around waiting for them," Nodoka explained, seeing his surprised expression. "However, there is only the four of us here, so you two can't leave us behind."

"Very true," Genma said. "Plus, since John has no training I'll need you to help guard him and Kasumi while we see about getting him experience."

John passed out sodas and hot dogs. "I have some experience beating giant spiders to death with a shovel, but that's about it."

Kasumi tried her hotdog and seemed pleased, encouraging Genma who'd been waiting for someone else to try things first.

"I believe you were going to explain about the toaster comment when we arrived," Nodoka reminded him.

"Oh yeah," John said setting down his coke. "What do you guys know about Sailor Moon?"

"I used to watch the show all the time," Kasumi admitted.

"Some show about magical girls," Genma replied. "The elemental techniques were interesting, but unfeasible. Without using magic most chi attacks are limited to hot or cold."

"I got caught in a youma attack and Rei hit me with a Fire Soul, which is why I'm currently bald," John explained. "I decided I needed training so I wouldn't need to be rescued like that again and I got home just in time to see Uranus leaving my apartment with my toaster."

"Sailor Uranus stole your toaster?" Kasumi asked in shock.

"Yep, it was a magic toaster created during the Silver Millennium, but regardless of that, it was my toaster and she kicked in my door and busted through one of my windows despite the fact that they were unlocked."

"You want me to train you to fight the Sailor Senshi?" Genma asked in shock.

"Hell no!" John said with a shiver. "Without them my world would be doomed! No, I want you to train me to steal back my toaster!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"You'll get nothing from me!" the toaster swore.

Michiru looked from Haruka to the talking toaster and back again. "You broke into someone's home to steal a toaster?"

"Retrieve," Haruka corrected her. "It's my toaster apparently."

"I don't belong to you!" the toaster swore. "Sailor Asshole here broke in and tore me away from my home!"

"My name is Haruka," she growled at the magical kitchen aide.

"Hey Neptune, know how many blondes it takes to ruin a diplomatic event by showing up plastered and slapping the queen on the ass?" the toaster asked.

Michiru turned to Hotaru. "How long have they been arguing?"

"Papa's been arguing with Talkie for hours," the young girl replied.

"It's been millennia since you died, and started stinking up the place," the toaster snorted. "Actually, reverse that; it's been millennia since you were stinking up the place and died! Regardless, dead people don't own anything, even if they reincarnate, so what you did was a criminal act."

"And she's losing," Hotaru said with a sigh.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"We need building supplies," Genma said. "There is enough stone here for most of the outer sections, but modern materials are best for some of the interior, I think."

"I suppose we could make a quick trip," John said thoughtfully.

Genma shook his head. "Don't worry about it yet. You have at least a week of backbreaking work before we need to even think about it," he said far too cheerfully.

"Backbreaking?" John asked.

"Definitely," Genma said with a happy smile that sent shivers down John's spine. "Why, in a week I should have increased your strength many times over and worked you harder than you even dreamed possible."

John groaned.

After dinner Genma lectured everyone on proper wilderness survival rules and had John dig a deep hole while he quickly constructed an outhouse to put over it. "When camping with women there are several different things you must always make sure to bring along," Genma said while John was digging. "Tampons, toilet paper and Midol. Bring these three things and women are happy, forget them and they'll make your life hell."

"I have a couple of cases of toilet paper, but no tampons or Midol," John said, wiping sweat from his forehead. "I did however bring a couple of boxes of soap and a lot of insecticide."

"Ok, four things," Genma said. "I always forget the soap. Now tell me about the toaster."

"Talky Toaster is an intelligent toaster who was created thousands of years ago. He was the prototype for a proposed line of talking appliances, but the fact that all he wants to talk about is toast and is obsessed with it tabled that idea, so no more were ever made. He was stuck in a closet and forgotten about until he was discovered in some ruins and dug up. The people who found him tried to sell him, but no one believed where they found him so he ended up in a second hand shop as a curio. He was bought and placed in my apartment by a harried manager who thought it was just a novelty toaster and was in a rush. I have enough magical talent that my touch woke him up and I like toasted foods so we get along fine," John explained, his backstory still forming in his mind as he decided what to claim it was, since it was still mostly one big blank spot.

"This seems like a lot of effort to retrieve a toaster, even a magical one," Genma said.

John paused in his work. "He's a friend and that's just part of the reason I'm doing this. It's a Sailor Moon world and I don't want to be completely helpless even if I'm not a front line fighter, hence escape, evasion and dirty tactics."

Genma helped John out of the hole he'd dug. "I'll need to have Kasumi align and open your chi paths," he decided. "I can't make you a martial artist, but I can teach you some basics and some tricks that'll make you a decent fighter."

"And thievery skills," he reminded him. "I may not be able to fight a dark general, but I can strip his castle of important items."

"We'll need to pick up a bunch of bells, a mannequin and a lot of locks," Genma said. "But for now wash up and go to bed, we'll start early tomorrow."

"Will do," John said taking his shovel with him to the river, just in case something should attack him while he was washing up. He washed quickly as it was getting dark and he'd have to be an idiot to wander around alone in the dark here. He returned to the camp in time to catch Genma banking the fire. "We should all get to bed, we'll be rising with the sun," he warned.

"Give me a minute to change into my pajamas," Kasumi said, disappearing into the tent.

"I hope you aren't planning on rising too soon," Nodoka purred in her husband's ear before disappearing into the tent.

"New plan," Genma said. "See you when I recover." He followed his wife zipping the tent closed behind him.

"Thank you Nodoka," John said with a smile before turning to the tent he was sharing with Kasumi and wondering if she'd finished changing yet and resisting the impulse to simply stick his head in and check. His libido reminded him she'd only told him to wait a minute so a sixty second count should be perfectly acceptable.

"You can come in now," Kasumi called out, jolting him out of his thoughts.

Crawling into the small tent he realized he still needed to change and that it was a bit too dark to see anything, but he could smell the vanilla musk perfume Kasumi wore mixed in with wood smoke from the fire. Of course it wasn't like he wore pajamas anyway, just a pair of boxers, so he quickly shed his excess clothes and crawled into his sleeping bag, only to find Kasumi had zipped them both together.

The slight chill in the air was instantly chased away by Kasumi pressing up against him. His mind instantly divined that she was only wearing a silk slip and a pair of panties…ok and a pair of socks, but really that was just a side note. The sounds from the other tent showed that they were not sleeping in any way shape or form and almost drowned out the sounds of Kasumi's nervous breath as she brought her lips to his cheek missing her target. He quickly adjusted for her miss and found Kasumi a bit clumsy either because of lack of experience or need, but very soft and enthusiastic. Rational thought took a hike at that point and would not return for many hours and even then it would simply be for a brief minute or two while they were curled up together before sleep took them.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Genma was great at figuring out what motivated people and the best way to twist that for his own purposes. A few casual comments and a bit of observation and he had most people dead to rights. Of course the way John and Kasumi looked at one another over lunch pretty much said all he needed to know. "We'll probably have to sleep outside to guard the tents tonight," Genma said as John struggled to move a heavy stone back into place.

"What?" John asked, his full attention on Genma.

"We were much too distracted last night to keep the girls safe, since the tents are so flimsy anything could tear through them," Genma said with a heavy sigh. "I'm afraid we'll have to sleep outside to guard the girls… until we have some strong stone walls erected."

John froze for a moment before redoubling his efforts to move the large stone blocks that made up the ruins of whatever had once stood in the clearing into position for Genma to use for whatever he was constructing. Genma nodded satisfied as he continued having John do the lion's share of the work, the rough work anyway, Genma turned out to be amazingly talented at construction, knowing some rare martial arts moves that allowed him to smooth out and fit stone together.

Nodoka was just close enough to catch what Genma had said while she walked Kasumi through basic kendo stances. "We'll probably be sharing a tent until we've trained you both enough to defend yourselves at least long enough to hold off an attacker until we can get there."

"What?" Kasumi asked distracted by thoughts of the night before and how it felt to be desired as a woman and not as a maternal substitute and best of all; being able to act on her own desires without being censured for them.

"Well my hubby is working on John's conditioning this week, which is going to leave him barely able to move at night, so to keep you both safe we'll just have to arrange things so there is at least one competent and mobile fighter in each tent, for safety sake."

"Competent?" Kasumi asked.

"Enough to hold off trouble for a few seconds or so," Nodoka said.

Kasumi tightened her grip on the wooden bokken she was wielding and rechecked her footing. "This is the correct stance, right auntie?"

"Very good Kasumi," Nodoka said exchanging a grin with Genma at how easy it had been to manipulate the children.

By the time dinner had rolled around both Saotome's were satisfied with the progress that had been made, John had managed to rebuild the majority of what appeared to be a tower's first floor and Kasumi had completely memorized a series of simple strikes and blocks. The fact that both teens were so exhausted they'd had to help each other bathe in the river was dismissed as unimportant to the elder couple.

Nodoka examined the smooth stone walls more than a little impressed. "I'm surprised you managed to accomplish so much in so little time."

"The stone floor was completely intact, just buried beneath a good foot or so of dirt," Genma said. "That saved us quite a bit of time and once he realized I didn't care how large the stones were he brought me as long as he didn't stop bringing them, things progressed quickly. Tomorrow I'll let his muscles heal and we'll work on theory and tactics."

"Shogi?" Nodoka asked.

"I can't play without sake," he said. "No, I picked up some strategy games from a shop in Nerima."

"Is that a trapdoor?" Nodoka asked.

Genma walked over to where she was looking and examined the stone floor. "I believe it is. Good eye, hon."

"I wonder what's down there."

Genma picked up a multi-ton boulder and placed it over the trapdoor. "We can check it out tomorrow when we're all rested up and fresh."

"Yes dear," Nodoka replied amused and already planning on wearing him out a bit more as she led him into their tent.

Kasumi and John spooned up together, but were too tired to do more than a little light groping. As they lay there listening to the Saotome's (Genma was a screamer) they both swore they'd work harder so the old folks wouldn't outperform them again.

Kasumi awoke and listened to the quiet for a moment before getting a sultry smile and waking John up. He awoke quickly and vigorously. In fact they were both occupied with making sure the other was fully awake when Nodoka called out, "children it's time to get up!"

The frustrated groans from the two made Nodoka giggle. Genma smirked at the sound as he started a fire in the fireplace they'd built so they could eat lunch before finding out what was below the trapdoor.

The two teens emerged from the tent a bit frustrated but awake and well rested.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"You weren't imagining things, Rei," Shinji said as he looked at the footprints and the circle of mushrooms.

"One of the books on European culture I read described circles of fungi like this as fairy circles," the albino hybrid said.

"We'll move the motorhome out here," Shinji decided.

"What does this mean?" Rei asked.

"It means there may be other people around or a way to reach other people," he said thoughtfully. "It's a hope at least."

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"It's probably a root cellar," John said.

"Then why are you so nervous?" Kasumi asked concerned.

"Because in this setting it could also be several other things and all of them very bad if not worse," he admitted.

"Like?" Genma asked.

"Goblin warren, cursed temple, passage to the Underdark, lich's resting place," he quickly rattled off.

"Ok," Genma said thoughtfully, "a quick peek first then."

Shoving the boulder aside Genma took hold of the iron ring and heaved to no avail.

"Probably wizard locked," John said relieved.

"Wizard locked?" Genma asked.

"Means a wizard decided it was too dangerous and slapped a spell on it to keep it closed."

Genma quickly carved the boulder into a granite table and put it back over the trap door. "Back to training," he said cheerfully. "Let me make something to sit on and we'll work on your knowledge of strategy."

"Strategy?" John admitted.

"I picked up some games so we could work on your brain while your body recovered."

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


	8. Chapter 8

"Monopoly?" John asked.

"Exactly," Genma agreed. "Your job is to win and playing against me that takes a sharp mind even when I'm not cheating."

"Winning at Monopoly depends a lot on luck," John said with a frown.

"Only for those who fail to make full use of their advantages," Genma replied. "Now tell me three scams you can run as the banker and three ways to trick the other players into making you banker."

While Genma was helping John develop the right mindset Nodoka was training Kasumi into the ground. Yes, sweet innocent Kasumi-

"Fucking die!" a feminine voice called out in fury and the sounds of clashing bokken increased fourfold.

"That's my girl," Genma said proudly. "It's her skill at angering her opponents that first attracted me to her."

John shot a doubtful look at his sensei.

"The fiery red hair and massive rack doesn't hurt," he admitted. "If not for her opponents shouted profanity I would never have bothered peeking my head into a woman's only kendo school."

"And that may have attracted your attention but I bet it's the body that made you stick around long enough to get to know her," John replied.

Genma laughed so hard his belly shook like he was trying out for the role of Santa Claus at the local mall. "Partially true," he agreed, "but I actually listened to my elder's advice on choosing a bride and he told me the two most important things about a woman…"

The silence stretched on for a moment before John realized Genma wasn't going to answer unless asked. "And those are?"

Genma grinned. "Bra and panties."

***CRASH***

John face faulted despite the fact that they didn't appear to be in an anime universe.

"The dread master had to be practically pickled before he gave out straight answers. Now harken close and let me bestow onto you the wisdom that cost me a barrel of high quality sake to learn."

John listened intently.

"Passion and loyalty," Genma said seriously. "It doesn't matter how good a woman looks, if she doesn't have those…" Genma shook his head.

John tapped his chin thoughtfully. "That's one of those things that seems so obvious in hindsight that most people who discover it probably never share it, thinking everyone else knows it already."

A comment involving the size of Kasumi's thighs was followed by a Kodachi like laugh and the sound of the two bokkens clashing sped up until they sounded like a string of firecrackers going off.

"Well, back to work, boy. What scams have you thought up?"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

Nodoka cheerfully served bowls of stew, looking like she'd just came from the spa, much to Kasumi's ire though she did her best not to show it.

"If possible I'd like to go back to that last world for a day," Genma announced.

"That empty world?" Kasumi asked with a shiver. "Why?"

"To scavenge building supplies," Genma replied. "Glass windows, rather than the wooden covers we're currently using should lighten up the place without letting out all the warm air and since we have the space, I was going to put in an actual bathroom and shower."

Seeing the girls perk up, John instantly agreed, "Sounds like a good idea, we can also pick up some more canned goods and toiletries while we're there."

Kasumi stroked John's arm lightly and gave him her most hopeful look. "Would a bed be too much to ask for?"

"The box springs and mattress may be a bit bulky, but we could manage," John said not even trying to resist.

"We haven't spoken much about that world," Genma said with a sigh. "I hate to admit it, but that place…worries me."

"It is a bit disquieting," Kasumi agreed wrapping one of John's arms around herself and cuddling into his side.

"Is it safe?" Nodoka asked.

"Safer than most worlds," John replied. "As I've said, it's got two maybe three people and a penguin. Humanity has turned into an ocean of orange fluid, so stay away from the water, but other than that it's just…abandoned."

"They all died?" Kasumi asked sadly.

"No, they're alive and immortal as a sea of orange liquid. It's like a mass mind meld. The two humans are a pair of teens that decided they'd rather be human and regained their bodies through force of will."

"And the penguin?" Genma asked.

"Genetically engineered, just don't try and take his beer away and you'll be fine."

"How smart is he?" Genma asked.

"Smart enough to not have gotten mixed up in the end of the world," John replied.

"Sounds safe enough," Genma said. "We'll take the rest of the day off to recover so everyone is fresh in the morning, because I don't think I'd like to spend a night in that place."

"We'll be sure to get plenty of sleep," Kasumi promised. "But first we need to wash up before we turn in."

"Turn in?" John asked. "It's not even three in – actually, good idea, we want to be well rested!"

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"Freeze!" Genma ordered as he spotted… a fin cutting through the earth?!

"Landshark!" John yelled eyes darting around looking for a safe place to stand and coming up empty. "They eat damn near everything. I can't remember how they sense prey, but I don't think standing still fools them."

Genma leapt forward and stamped on the ground a dozen feet away causing the landshark to turn in his direction. "Any weaknesses?" he called out.

"It's like a great white shark that was crossed with a rhino," John called out. "It's strong, armored and too stupid to lay down and die even when it's taken enough damage to kill it!"

The fin disappeared into the ground right in front of Genma prompting him to leap into the air, just before the landshark came up under where he had been standing in an attempt to swallow him whole.

"Kijin Raishū Dan!" Genma called out swinging both arms in an x shape as he came down towards its gaping maw below him causing the shark to fall apart into four equal pieces like it'd been sliced with a laser.

"I thought you'd sealed those dear?" Nodoka questioned as if unsurprised by the quartered monster Genma was now examining.

"Sealed unless needed to dispatch a monster or save a life," Genma said. "The potential for abuse is simply too much to allow casual use, but I've made sure Ranma and Ryu both knew when it should be used."

"Be sure to check its stomach," John said as they approached. "It may contain precious metals and gems."

"Really?" Kasumi asked curiously as Genma grabbed a stick to poke around its stomach with.

"Yep, only noble metals, gems and magical items can resist its stomach acid," John explained.

"I thought you didn't know a lot about this world," Kasumi said.

"I'm fairly knowledgeable about magical animals in general," John admitted. "That includes species of near human people, but I don't even know the name of the world we're on."

"Jackpot," Genma cheered. "Gold, gems and even a necklace and some boots."

"The hide makes valuable shields and the teeth are used to make jewelry or earrings, but that's all I recall off the top of my head."

"Boots look a little small," Genma said as he used a handful of grass to wipe them clean of acid.

"Don't put the boots or necklace on until we can find out if they're cursed," John warned. "Magic isn't always beneficial."

"Don't I know it," Genma said with a laugh as he finished getting everything clean of acid and made it all vanish.

John got out his map and stared at it for a moment as he took in the small diagram that had been added. "Looks like going back and forth may be easier than we thought."

"Really?" Kasumi asked looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah," he replied pointing at the diagram of an arch on the map. "It'll require Genma's skills, but it looks like we can build an arch as a more permanent gateway. Which is a good, because I wasn't looking forward to playing leapfrog while carrying a mattress and boxsprings."

Genma took a look at the map and nodded. "Easy enough to do. The magic is all in these carved symbols?"

"Yeah, just carve the symbols and let them absorb moonlight and it opens a gate. As long as both sides match anyway."

Genma quickly copied everything down onto a sign that he pulled out of nowhere and made vanish when he finished. "So we have to wait for nightfall?"

"Yeah," John agreed. "The gate works on the full moon and the two nights surrounding it. Fortunately it's the night before the full moon tonight so we're good."

"It feels like the set of a horror movie," Kasumi said, putting words to how they all felt.

"Yeah, it does," John agreed, feeling better now that he could name the problem. "But really it's the set after the movie is over."

"Well…as long as we stick together it should be fine then," Kasumi decided.

*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*0*

"The two of you are completely insane," Asuka assured Rei and Shinji as they checked the footage from the video camera they had watching the circle of mushrooms.

"I could have hallucinated the voices," Rei admitted, "but the scattered footprints?"

"Well?" Shinji asked with a smirk, the three years alone with the girls having erased the meek persona he used to have, much to Kaworu's amusement.

"Penpen playing a practical joke," Asuka replied.

"Entirely possible," Rei admitted, "but even with the strange positioning of the footprints, as if they were playing leapfrog, his limbs are too stubby to have faked them."

"Hmm," Asuka paused and considered it as she leaned against the kitchen counter of their motorhome and sipped coffee.

"I felt a flicker of something familiar," Rei said closing the laptop as nothing had appeared on the video for previous day. "I'm not sure what, but I did feel it."

"Fine," Asuka said with a sigh, "but if you're going to monitor this site, put up some motion detectors so we can rush over if someone actually does show up."

"Agreed," Rei said with a smile.

"I know it's awfully big of me," Asuka said smugly, making the pair groan as they knew what was coming next. "But what can you expect of someone with a heart as big as mine, which is obvious since I have the biggest tits in the world!"

Rei sighed. "I swear that joke was old the first time she made it."

Kaworu snorted coffee out his nose.

**Typing by: The Last Primarch!**


End file.
